12.14.2011

The Battle Between My Ears





"Hang in there. Don’t give up!

 Is anything too hard for the Lord?

 No!
Just when you least suspect it—the God of surprises strikes again. 
God does that for the faithful. 
God is watching.
 For all you know right at this moment … 
the check may be in the mail. 
The apology may be in the making.

The job contract may be on the desk.

Don’t quit.

You may miss the answer to your prayers.
God is faithful—He’s always on time." 
~ Max Lucado


I confess, I have not been such a good girl with my Facebook Fast. Well, if you remember I said it was a "partial" fast. Ahem. Moving along. The fact of the matter is I really enjoy some of the wonderful friends I get to see, if even only by snippets and pieces. I get to share in prayer and praises with so many of my brethren I no longer see, and I realize what a blessing this is to me. Today, this was evidenced when one of my Facebook friends and Sister's In Christ shared her status with the above quote by Max Lucado. Though I needed to see this and hear it and ponder it, and though it encouraged me greatly, I also recognized the battle going on between my ears. The words are true. The writer is correct and the messenger who delivered the lovely reminder via her status was and is Spirit led. 
( Thank you Mark Zuckerberg for keeping us all connected) 


But my mind and my heart are having a huge battle these days. 

I find myself repeating mantras, to myself; I'm OK. I am fine. Everything is good.
"I'm really OK", seems to be the number one mantra. It's as if I am speaking it, admitting it, acknowledging it and convincing myself all at the same time. I mean, I really am. 

The Holy Spirit brings to mind verses.
People say encouraging words and let me know they are praying.

In both the cave and the desert, God is faithful. I think of Moses, David and Jesus.

I know this. 
His Word is rooted in me.

I am OK.

Really, I am. 

But there is a war being fought, that continues to wage, regardless.

The limbo fuels the enemy ammunition. 

I tell myself, God has a plan. I believe it. 

But my mind keeps looking for the memo.

Phone rings, machine picks up: "Hello, you have reached Dawn's mind, at the present moment, Dawn is unavailable as her mind and heart are duking it out in the pit of her stomach. Leave a message or better yet, catch her on Facebook, her favorite place to hide- 
Have a joyful day in the Lord, now, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep." 

It reminds me of when I was 8 months pregnant and teaching classes at a local women's gym. I would walk in and be met with expectant faces and comments like, "You still didn't have that baby?". I would think to myself: Um, Do you see this belly? Really, lady, I want you in the front row- and I promise that you won't walk for a week after I lunge myself into labor, right here right now. Let's go!

Limbo.

Really, Lord. 

Enough, already.

Let's go!

Take the old prophets as your mentors. They put up with anything, went through everything, and never once quit, all the time honoring God. What a gift life is to those who stay the course! You've heard, of course, of Job's staying power, and you know how God brought it all together for him at the end. That's because God cares, cares right down to the last detail.
James 5:10-11

Lord, I thank you that you are my emergency shelter, I run to the safety of your faithful love for me. Thank you that you care. I don't know when, how or what, but I know You. Lord, that is enough. Help my mind and my heart to remain under the shelter and safety of your wing. Let me rely on your love, to carry me while my faith and hope rest in You.
In Jesus name, Amen.






4 comments:

  1. I. Love. You. Period! I love your honesty so much Dawn, it feeds me and helps me feel less alone with the "battle between the ears". So annoying to know that the one you are fighting is yourself! Who can win? Lol!

    Don't you love how you can read an amazing quote like Lucado's and STILL hear yourself arguing with it?

    I am not alone and you are not alone my friend. The Great Friend is our BFF and He won't give up on us. Sigh

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  2. The battle really is between the ears! But you're right, God is faithful, and in this we must rest.
    Have a great weekend!

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  3. You know, it sounds crazy to say this, but it's one of the things I learned in my spiritual formation class...I'm NOT okay. No, I am not. I am a big MESS!! But that's okay. Really. Because it's in the messy, broken places that God meets me and begins the work of conforming me to Christ.

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  4. i like what stacy said. we are big fat messes... which is why we can only survive because of Christ and his work on the cross. living in grace is such a beautiful gift! the greatest of all!

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walk along the shore with me and leave your footprints in the sand-
I'm listening, friend...in November I will not be replying so often, but instead slip quietly over to your place for a visit. ;)