|It was a week after the tragedies of 911 before I could|
attempt to express myself in a journal entry.
Like most Americans, I felt it was too big to put into words...
I journal pretty much every day. Occasionally I may be too busy or just need some time to digest life as it is fed to me, before I can safely articulate my thoughts and feelings. Such was the case, in the events of September 11, 2001. On this 10 year anniversary of the events of that day, I dredged out my journal to see how I actually expressed what I remember so well. Except, as I looked for the entry I realized that it took me a full week before I was feeling I could write. Writing is such a connecting point for me. It's like breathing. My breath had been taken away and it was beyond a measurable expression for me to comprehend, let alone, write. It touched me too deeply as it did us all. I remember it was also the week my daughter was to be Dedicated at our church. The date of that event as 9/16/2001, five days after 9/11. How vulnerable I felt. How vulnerable we all felt. I felt connected to my fellow Americans and unsure of the future as I stood before the congregation and with my precious child.
I decided to share my unedited journal entry in remembrance of the day that took my breath away.
Our breath away. If you are reading this please know this is my heart, unedited. Handle with care. I usually write for an audience of One, who knows me, my rambly mind, and all. So keep that in mind!
September 19, 2001
Thank you Lord for today. It has been hard for me to write lately...Lord you know my inmost parts, my inner-most being. I almost don't have words in light of the recent tragedies on our country. Where are we now...I haven't been able to write in my devotional book for Katherine because I kept wondering, how do I write about this? But I must...and then I realized that I can teach her about the depravity of man and the sovereignty of God. Yet these are not small concepts. There is so much going through my mind...I think I am sick processing what it all means to me. I just can't imagine the horror of what many have and are going through (in New York) and I confess it all seems unreal to me. Almost surreal. Our country, having been attacked by terrorists flying planes into buildings in New York and Washington by "Suicide Bombers". But I know God is in control. Yet I understand so little.
And I must focus on the details of life...and I have - yet everyone in the country is changed by these events...People are really freaked out - But my God, I do trust in You. What I have seen happen in this country is amazing, powerful. There is a revival in Patriotism. Flags are everywhere. I remember as a school child we recited "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America"... I can barely remember it now - and do schools even do that anymore? I pray and hope they do and will. God You are doing something amazing - I don't know what - but, Lord, thank you for America, my president, his wife. Thank you for freedom and liberty. Forgive me Lord because I have taken so much for granted. I have grumbled and complained when I should have been grateful and prayerful. Thank you for your mercy.
May God Bless America, Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave.
In memory of those who gave their lives, lost their lives, and those
who continue to suffer due to the sacrificial giving and dedication they
shared in service and to each and every one of their loved ones.